Emotion and stress management

The core essence of emotion and stress management is never "elimination", but "calibration" - you don't need to force yourself to be an "iron man" with no emotional fluctuations, nor do you need to treat all stress as a scourge. Find your own adaptation threshold, and you can completely turn the two from "a hindrance burden" into "fuel to advance your goals."

I don’t say this casually. Last month, I just helped a little girl in operations in our department survive the Double 11 death cycle. At that time, she worked continuously for 12 days and only slept 4 hours a day. When I arrived at the company in the morning, I saw her squatting by the flower bed downstairs crying, still holding an unfinished iced American in her hand. When she saw me, her first reaction was to wipe her tears and said, "I'm sorry, sister, I didn't mean to be emotional. I immediately adjusted myself and went to watch the live broadcast." I handed her a piece of paper and said it was okay. If you cry for 10 minutes before going up, no one will blame you.

Regarding emotion management, there are actually two completely different sets of logic in the academic world. No one is right or wrong, but the people they are suitable for are different. One is the CBT cognitive behavioral therapy that everyone has heard a lot about. The core logic is that "your emotions do not come from the event itself, but from your unreasonable perception of the event." For example, the little girl cried at the time because she felt "If I screw up this live broadcast, the KPIs of the entire department will be destroyed in my hands." , I will definitely be fired." It was essentially a typical catastrophic thinking. Later, I accompanied her to list the worst consequences: at most, her live broadcast GMV would be reduced by 10%, at most, she would get a few words from her boss, and at most, she would receive a few hundred yuan less bonus next month. After she listed it, she laughed to herself, saying that it didn't seem like the sky was falling. I have tried this method many times myself, and it is particularly useful in dealing with acute anxiety. It is equivalent to pulling you out of the state of your "emotional brain" and reorganizing it with your "rational brain", and your emotions will naturally calm down.

However, there are many people who don't accept this. I have a friend who is a psychological counselor and a supporter of ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. What bothers her the most is when others tell her "Don't think too much" when they are anxious. According to her, emotions are like a homeless man passing by your door. The more you chase him away, the more he will hang around in front of your door. If you say hello to him calmly and say, "You can stay for a while if you want, just don't disturb me when I come in," he will stay for a while and then leave. Every time before she takes a long-distance case, she will deliberately stand at the door of the consultation room for three minutes, doing nothing and allowing herself to be anxious. When the three minutes are up, she opens the door and goes in, feeling extremely stable. I had a period of time to catch up on the project cycle, and I suffered from insomnia for almost a week. I tried her method. I lay in bed and said to myself, "I just can't sleep now. If I'm anxious, just be anxious. I'll drink two more cups of coffee tomorrow." Instead, I fell asleep after lying down for 20 minutes. It was much more effective than counting sheep to thousands before.

When many people mention emotional stress management, they think that they need to meditate, exercise, and have a regular schedule. To be honest, I have seen many people who can't even sit still for 5 minutes of meditation. They can't breathe even after running for two steps. Instead, they become more anxious because they "cannot complete the task of emotional management." I followed the trend and bought an annual pass for a popular meditation APP, and I haven’t checked in more than 10 times so far. The method I figured out later turned out to be more down-to-earth: when I was stressed, I would go downstairs and pet the stray orange cats in the community for 10 minutes, or I would ball up the useless sticky notes on the table and throw them into the trash can. When I hit the target with perfect accuracy, my irritability was almost gone. Really, you don’t have to pursue any “advanced” methods. Whatever you feel comfortable with is better than anything else.

Oh, by the way, don’t believe the nonsense that people with high emotional intelligence say on the Internet never lose their temper. My former department director, who is well-known for his good temper in the industry, last saw a client devaluing the plan our team worked on for half a month as worthless. He also said, "You young people just have no experience." He slammed the table on the spot and argued with the client for 20 minutes. He came out and told us, "You must vent your anger, otherwise you will suffer the consequences." Survey data from the Chinese Psychological Society in 2023 also supports this point: people who suppress negative emotions for a long time are 47% more likely to develop breast nodules and thyroid nodules than people who can reasonably release emotions. You see, emotions are never your enemy. Holding them back is what really hurts your body.

After all, emotions and stress are actually like the shoes you wear on your feet. No matter how good they look to others, only you know whether they squeeze your feet or not. You don’t have to follow other people’s methodologies, and you don’t have to force yourself to be an “emotionally stable adult” in the eyes of others. If you want to cry today, just cry. If you feel unhappy tomorrow, just complain to a friend. As long as you don’t let those negative things accumulate in your heart for too long, and don’t affect what you really want to do, that’s enough. I still have a Coke can in my drawer that I crushed when I was most stressed last year. I still think it’s funny when I look at it now. It can be regarded as a small souvenir of my peaceful coexistence with stress.