The main purpose of cognitive restructuring in the five-step method of stress management is to

The core purpose of cognitive restructuring in the five-step stress management method is never to eliminate stress itself, but to cut off the conditioned reflex link of "negative events → automatic catastrophic cognition → emotional internal consumption", helping you replace irrational judgments that are divorced from reality with rational thinking that is more suitable for the real situation, and ultimately reduce unnecessary self-consumption.

When I was doing an EAP workshop at an Internet company last week, I just met a post-2000 operation girl. She discovered that the jump link was mismatched 2 hours before the big promotion event was launched. She squatted in the corner of the conference room and cried. While crying, she muttered, "Why am I so useless? I can't even do this well. My performance this month is gone. I might even be fired." In fact, half of her pressure at that time came from the actual trouble of the link error, and the other half was completely frightened by a series of catastrophic associations that automatically popped up in her mind. The actual situation was that the technical side changed the link in 10 minutes, and there were no subsequent user complaints. The leader did not even blame her, but just mentioned that a double review process would be added to the next verification. You see, many overwhelming emotions have little to do with the facts in essence. They are all additional burdens created by one's own cognitive processing.

When it comes to the underlying logic of cognitive restructuring, the entry points of different psychological schools are actually quite different: traditional CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) counselors will focus more on those "absolute" and "catastrophizing" obsessions in your mind, such as "I must satisfy everyone" and "If I mess up this time, I will be completely ruined." The core is to get these unrealistic beliefs back on track.； Researchers in positive psychology will be more inclined to help you find positive resources in events. Even if you mess up, will it help you step into a trap that you will not step into again in the future? There are also counselors who take the existential route. They will not even worry about whether your idea is right, but will help you clarify: Is the thing you are worried about now really about you? Many times when you spend a long time internally, you are actually paying for the expectations of others.

Nowadays, many people on the Internet call cognitive restructuring the "Ah Q spirit" and a tool to help bosses and PUA employees. To be honest, I had similar doubts when I first entered the industry. Two years ago, I met a young man who was doing drawing at an architectural design institute. He worked on drawings until early morning every day for three months. He had frequent heart palpitations and was still struggling to carry on. He said, "I was asked to adjust my cognition and treat overtime as growth." I told him directly at the time, don't listen to this fallacy. Cognitive restructuring never allows you to be a soft persimmon. It is obviously an unreasonable workload of the company, but if you insist on forcing yourself to think "this is to train me", that is not restructuring, but self-PUA. Cognitive restructuring at this time requires you to first throw away the idea that "I can't handle it because I have poor abilities" and first think about it: Can this workload be completed under normal circumstances? Is it a problem of my ability that I can't bear it, or is the task itself unreasonable? Later, after he figured it out, he directly asked the leader to add people. If he couldn't add people, he rejected non-core projects. On the contrary, he felt less tired and the quality of the drawings improved.

I have been doing stress management consulting for almost 6 years, and I have seen too many people regard "bearing the pressure" as a virtue. They obviously carry a lot of useless ideological baggage, but they still insist on saying that they have strong ability to withstand pressure. In fact, it is really unnecessary. Cognitive restructuring is like upgrading the nuisance call blocking function on your mobile phone. In the past, as long as there were calls with "errors", "criticisms", and "not done well", you would directly answer them and start criticizing yourself. Now after the upgrade, you will first take a look at the caller and comment: Oh, this is other people's reasonable suggestions. ； Oh, this is a catastrophic script I made up in my own mind. Just hang up. Wouldn’t it be better to use the saved energy to solve real problems?

After all, stress is something that cannot be avoided in life. It is impossible for you to avoid bad things in your life. Cognitive restructuring does not turn you into an emotionless robot. It just prevents you from being overwhelmed by the messy thoughts in your mind before things happen. After all, people who are really on their way have no time to squat on the ground and curse themselves for the sand in their shoes, just pour it out and keep walking.