What aspects does emotional regulation include?

From the practical perspective of front-line psychological services, the core of emotion regulation covers four levels: emotion perception, cognitive assessment, response regulation, and long-term calibration. It is by no means as simple as "suppressing negative emotions and forcing yourself to be happy" as most people think.

Take the example of someone stepping on their newly bought white shoes during the morning rush hour. Many people's first reaction is to choke when they open their mouths. They only respond after the noise is delayed and their performance is deducted from the morning meeting. "Why was I so impulsive just now?" This is a problem at the level of emotional perception. Before you realize that you have been enveloped in anger, you are already being led away by your emotions. There have been debates in the academic community before. Some scholars believe that emotional perception belongs to the category of cognitive awareness and should not be included in emotional regulation. However, when we intervene on the front line, we basically put this step at the forefront. After all, you can’t even figure out what your current emotions are, and subsequent adjustments are impossible to talk about.

When you realize "I'm angry now", the next step is not to suppress the anger immediately, but to first figure out whether the anger is necessary. If the person who stepped on you apologizes and is sweating with anxiety, saying that his family is waiting to be taken to the hospital and is running in such a hurry, most of your anger will probably disappear by itself. This is cognitive evaluation at work: you reinterpret the motivation of the other person's behavior, and naturally adjust the direction of your emotions.

If you meet someone who steps on his shoes and rolls his eyes because you are standing in the way, you don't have to force yourself to say, "I want to be generous and I won't be angry." Or you can say, "You stepped on someone, are you still justified?" ”You can take a breath without panicking, or you can simply move to another carriage and not waste time with him. You can choose whichever one you choose. The key is not to let your emotions affect what you originally want to do - this part is the control of the reaction level. To put it bluntly, it is like adjusting the volume of the stereo at home. There are not only two options: maximum and mute. You just need to adjust it to a level that is comfortable for you and does not disturb others. There is no need to impose a standard of "emotional stability".

Many people think that they are done after adjusting their current emotions. In fact, the most critical step is long-term calibration. I met a visitor before who had a very gentle personality. At that time, she would argue for half an hour because a colleague touched her pen. Later, after talking with her, I found out that she had stayed up late for three weeks in a row to catch up on projects. Lack of sleep caused her emotional threshold to drop extremely low. Later, she adjusted her schedule to play badminton two days a week, and within half a month she was no longer in such a state of constant fuss. This kind of adjustment for the overall emotional state is actually the most cost-effective emotional adjustment. Just like charging your mobile phone, it is much more trouble-free than turning it off automatically and then looking for a fast charger.

It’s interesting to say that many people have learned a lot of emotion regulation skills, but the more they adjust, the more tired they become. In fact, to put it bluntly, it just says: first see the emotion, then figure out the cause, and finally choose the most comfortable way to deal with it.