self healing dead by daylight

The so-called "self-healing Dead by Daylight" refers to the "quasi-healing period" when the trauma repair process has reached about 80% and it seems that it is about to completely get out of the predicament. It is the hidden dangerous node with the highest risk of recurrence and the easiest time to fail in the entire healing process. More than 90% of healings are abandoned halfway and occur at this stage. The core of the response is not to forcefully speed up and cross the line, but to allow yourself to slow down and "defuse mines."

In my third year of running a psychological companionship community, I have seen too many people fall into this trap. Last year, there was a girl named Little A who had been emotionally manipulated by her ex for two years and spent a year and a half in recovery. She was able to socialize normally and even started a new relationship on her own initiative. Everyone around her felt that she had completely come out of it. Then one day she saw a photo of her ex's new girlfriend and she collapsed instantly. She stayed at home for three days without eating or drinking. She cried and said that her previous efforts were all just pretending. She even wanted to die more than when they broke up.

As for why this node hides "murderous intent", different healing schools have quite different opinions. Psychoanalytic counselors will say that 80% of the previous treatments are actually replenishing "surface defenses": you learn to identify emotions, establish boundaries, and avoid similar hurtful scenes. These are all visible "external skills." However, the core trauma trigger points hidden in the subconscious will suddenly appear when you take off your defenses and think you are safe. Previously, it could not touch you when you were fully armed. The view of the cognitive behavioral school is more down-to-earth: this is the "expectation gap trap". You have set the perfect standard for "healing success" in advance, and you feel that after reaching this point, you will no longer feel pain and will never be affected by the past. Once your emotions relapse, you will fall into self-attack of "Why am I so useless", but instead amplify small-scale emotional fluctuations into a comprehensive collapse. There are also some mind-body and soul schools that will package this stage as a "cosmic test" and ask you to be grateful for the pain and increase the high-frequency vibration. To be honest, I have seen many anxious clients who are even more aggrieved after hearing this: I am in so much pain, do you still need me to be grateful? It's somewhat painful to stand and talk without back pain.

Speaking of which, when I was recovering from the sequelae of PUA in the workplace, I also stepped through this pit. At that time, I had not lost sleep for three months because of the previous incident, and I had even taken on a consulting project in the same field as my former employer. I patted my chest and told my partners, "That little thing will no longer affect me." As a result, during the first project meeting, the client casually said the same catchphrase as my previous boss. I froze on the spot, my palms were covered in cold sweat, and I couldn't even utter a single word of the prepared plan. After the meeting, I sat in the parking lot for two hours, slapping myself wildly and scolding myself for being useless. I almost sent a message to my partners on the spot saying that I was quitting the project. Looking back now, I feel stupid. It was not a recurrence. It was just the deepest hidden thunder finally showing its face.

I have seen many people get to this point, either gritting their teeth and holding on, saying "I'm better now and can't be pretentious anymore", forcing their emotions back, only to trigger a bigger explosion in a few months.； Either just lie down and say, "I really will never get better in this life," or simply give up all previous healing efforts. In fact, they were all deceived by the word "dawn". They felt that when they saw the light, they had to run forward desperately, for fear that if they were slow, it would get dark again.

Not really. I have been in the community for so long, and the most effective coping methods I have ever seen are so simple that it is unbelievable. The first thing is to allow yourself to "break the gong". You don't have to insist on the persona of "I have recovered." If you feel uncomfortable, just say it is uncomfortable. If you want to cry, just find a place to cry. Even if you get emotional on the street, squatting on the side of the road and smoking half a pack of cigarettes, there is no shame. Last month, there was a boy who had been in our group for two years. He was about to get married. When he came home during the Chinese New Year, his mother scolded him, "You are so useless, why did I give birth to you?" He squatted in front of his house and cried. His fiancée didn't try to persuade her, so she stood nearby and handed him a bottle of iced Coke. After he cried, he drank half the bottle, stood up, patted his pants and said, "I haven't felt this good in a long time." When his mother said similar words to him later, he was able to smile back and never lose control of his emotions again. The second thing is not to rush to "cross the line". When many people reach this stage, they want to finish the remaining 20% ​​immediately and quickly become a "perfect person without trauma". It is really unnecessary. Trauma is not a stain that needs to be covered up quickly. It doesn't matter if you take your time with some unfinished mines. Next time it pops up, you can dismantle one of them. In the end, you will find that those mines that you thought would blow you to pieces are all candies that you didn't have time to pick up when you peel them off.

You see, the sky is always darkest before dawn, and what you think is a "murderous intention" is actually just the last pass that the healing gives you. There's no need to be afraid, and there's no need to run. Just stand there for a while, blowing in the wind. When the coldness wears off, the sky will light up on its own.