Self-healing ability

Self-healing ability is essentially the psychological resilience that everyone is born with and can be malleable the day after tomorrow. It does not allow you to completely eliminate negative emotions, nor does it force you to "get better" quickly. It is the ability to stand firm and slowly recover when you are shaken by life, without completely relying on external comfort and intervention.

Last week, I had dinner with a friend who works as an e-commerce operator. She talked about her experience during the busiest week of 618: she spent seven days and nights in a row revising the activity plan, but was rejected by her boss in front of the entire department. She then had to answer a blame call from Party A. When she walked to the door of her house after get off work, she suddenly got the keys. Then I collapsed. I squatted in the corridor and cried for ten minutes. After crying, I took out my mobile phone and ordered a snail rice noodle with double sour bamboo shoots. I ate it all along with the comedy variety show I had saved for half a month. I got up as usual the next day and changed the plan to connect all parties. It was as if the collapse of the previous day had never happened. Don't tell me, this is the most down-to-earth self-healing scene. There is no lofty meditation or mindfulness, and there is no complaining to friends for hours. It is just the most convenient way to let go of the energy blocked in the heart.

Regarding the operating logic of self-healing, different schools of psychology actually have quite different opinions. Psychoanalytic counselors will say that this is your subconscious defense mechanism to help you - squatting in the corridor and crying is catharsis, eating snail noodles is regressing to the child state of "using food to gain a sense of security". Don't force yourself to be an emotionally stable adult immediately, which is to leave a buffer space for the psychology. Researchers in positive psychology do not agree with the passive term "defense". They prefer to call this ability "psychological resource mobilization": the delicious food you usually eat, the funny videos you watch, and even the memory of being loved by your parents when you were a child are all "deposits" stored in your mental account. When something goes wrong, you can take them out and use them, which can help you restore your mental stability as quickly as possible. The more popular body flow therapy now puts it more bluntly: How can there be so much cognitive adjustment? When you cry, your body releases stress hormones, and when you eat hot food, the warm signal in your stomach sends "safety" instructions to your brain. Essentially, your body is helping you expel stuck emotional energy, and you don't have to force yourself to "figure it out."

I have seen people arguing over these views at exchange meetings in the psychology industry before. To be honest, there is nothing to argue about. Different methods are inherently suitable for different scenarios. If you have just been scolded by your boss or had a quarrel with your partner, or you have an acute emotional impact, you can recover after eating something good and sleeping. There is no need to sit down and do cognitive sorting for half an hour. ； But if you can’t get motivated for half a month, have no interest in doing anything, and always rely on eating and watching videos to escape, then using “self-healing” as an excuse to hide will easily lead to more serious emotional problems.

There is very interesting data in the National Mental Health Development Report released by the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences in 2023: The detection rate of depression and anxiety among people who have the habit of active self-healing is 62% lower than that of people who are used to suppressing their emotions, but the "active" here "Healing" is not what everyone thinks of enrolling in mindfulness classes or learning psychological knowledge. Among the commonly used methods listed by the interviewees, the top three are "getting a good night's sleep", "eating a favorite meal" and "going out for a walk", all of which are small things that don't cost a penny.

When I was rushing to catch up on projects two years ago, I also tried to follow the trend and learn mindfulness. As a result, my mind was filled with unread work news for ten minutes and I couldn't calm down at all. Then I dug out the crayon coloring book from elementary school that I kept at home and painted Sailor Moon for twenty minutes every day. It became the most effective way to relieve stress during that period. There is no rigorous scientific basis for it. You just don’t have to use your brain when painting. No one will tell you if the color goes out of bounds. All your attention is on the crayon in your hand, and the irritability accumulated during the day will disappear without you realizing it.

Of course, don’t treat self-healing as a panacea, let alone use “self-healing” as an excuse. I have been in contact with a client before. After the death of a loved one, he insisted on "getting over it on his own". He held it in for three months without telling anyone. In the end, he had insomnia and had to keep his eyes open all night, so he had to see a counselor. Self-healing is the umbrella you carry with you. When it rains lightly, you can walk with it. If you encounter a red warning for heavy rain, of course you have to find a place to hide from the rain. When you need to talk to friends, you can find it. When you need help, you can find professionals. This is not called vulnerability, it is called taking responsibility for yourself.

In fact, to put it bluntly, self-healing ability has never been a superpower that needs to be deliberately learned. When you were a child and you fell and hurt, you squatted on the ground and blew the wound, and then you could get up and continue running. That was your earliest self-healing. It's the same when you grow up. You don't have to follow other people's methods. Save a few "emotional first aid recipes" of your own. Whether it's instant noodles with fried eggs, a stationery store that lasts half an hour, or even a collection of earthy short videos that you've saved for a long time, as long as it can pull you out of the emotional mud pit, it's good enough. After all, those who can take care of themselves will never be knocked down by life.