self-healing books

This type of book is never a panacea that can solve all emotional problems. Only by first figuring out whether your current needs are emotional buffering, cognitive correction, or trauma repair, and choosing the right book and using the corresponding reading method, can you really get the effect.

Not long ago, I was helping my cousin, who had just worked for two years, clean up the rental house. I pulled out a stack of nearly 20 self-healing books from under the bed, ranging from the popular "The Courage to Be Disliked" to the brick-thick "The Body Never Forgets", as well as several booklets on mindfulness with pink covers. Many of the books had rolled-up corners and colorful highlights. As a result, she squatted next to her and scratched her head, saying, "When I was watching it, I felt that every sentence touched my heart. When I turned around and rushed to the KPI at the end of the month, I still hid in the toilet and cried for half an hour. I couldn't remember any of the principles."

In fact, not only ordinary readers feel that this kind of book is "sometimes useful but sometimes not useful", there is also an ongoing debate in the psychology circle about this kind of book. Many academic clinical consultants always complain that most self-healing books on the market are "chicken soup with a psychological shell", without clinical data support, and some opinions may even be counterproductive. A few years ago, there was a book that sold very well. The core idea was "all negative emotions are caused by your overthinking." Many people who visited said that after reading it, they felt more self-blame and felt that their pain was because they were "not open-minded enough", which in turn increased their sense of shame. However, most practitioners who promote popular psychological science hold the opposite opinion: The popularity of psychological counseling in China is not high at present, and many people still have prejudices against "seeing a psychologist." A book that costs 20 to 30 yuan can make a person who has been depressed for several years realize for the first time that "my emotions are not wrong." This enlightenment alone is valuable enough.

I previously worked as an assistant in a psychological counseling studio affiliated with the Municipal Mental Health Center for half a year, and I have seen too many true stories related to this type of book. There is a girl who has just entered college. She has been suppressed by her parents since she was a child. She was always scolded "Why not first" even if she got third in the class. She held it in for almost ten years and never dared to tell anyone. When she came for consultation for the first time, she clutched the book "Mr. Toad Sees a Psychologist" on the side. After reading it three times, she was finally sure that "I am not happy because I am not good enough. I really need help." For her, that book was the first stepping stone into the consultation room. There is also a boy who works in algorithms. He just broke up with his girlfriend of five years and suffered from insomnia for half a month. He bought a bunch of professional textbooks on trauma recovery. The more he read, the more they applied to himself. Sometimes he felt that he had an attachment disorder, and sometimes he felt that he had PTSD. Instead, he was so anxious that he couldn't sleep all night. Later, the consultant asked him to lock all the professional books in the cabinet, so he bought an illustrated book "Mindful Eating". He turned two pages every day while eating, and slowly brought his attention back to the present moment, which made him feel better.

Speaking of which, I have been through similar traps myself. I encountered serious PUA in the workplace for the first time a few years ago. I left my job and stayed at home for half a month. I bought a bunch of books on cognitive behavioral therapy and forced myself to do "wrong thinking correction exercises" every day. As a result, the more I practiced, the more irritated I became. Later, I couldn't read it anymore, so I just read it. A collection of essays "Little Moments" was given by a friend. It was full of small emotions recorded by the author. He didn't explain the truth or provide any solutions. He just wrote "I know you are sad now, and it's okay to be sad." I hugged the book and cried all afternoon, but I felt that the stone blocking my chest was loosened. That’s when I realized that when you are in so much pain that you can’t straighten your back, you don’t need anyone to teach you how to run. Just find a soft cushion to lean on for a while. The same principle applies to books. There is no need to chew on some “cognition-enhancing” stuff when your emotions are the most intense. If it can catch your emotions, it is a good book.

You don’t have to listen to what others say is a “must-read” book and move it home. If you really have to choose, first feel your current state: If you have just encountered something and your emotions are stuck in your throat and you can’t listen to any truth, don’t touch those books that teach you “how to change yourself” and “how to get out quickly”. Look for books that are not preachy and just record your emotions. Even healing picture books will do. Let your emotions have a place to rest first.； If your mood has stabilized for the most part and you want to figure out "why I always stumble on the same thing", then read about cognitive models such as Adler and non-violent communication, and slowly clarify your own thinking misunderstandings. ； If you have a trauma that has been accumulated for several years, don't expect it to be cured by reading a book. Go to a regular counselor first. Books can only be used as supplementary materials in the counseling process. If you think about it on your own, you will easily get into trouble.

Two days ago, my cousin sent me a message, saying that she had sold all the books under the bed that were not suitable for her on a second-hand platform, so she kept a palm-sized book on mindfulness. When she was fishing at work, she would flip through two pages. Instead of forcing herself to "become an emotionally stable adult after reading it," she felt that she could breathe a sigh of relief every time she finished reading it. To put it bluntly, self-healing is not a task that requires strict clocking in. The book is just a crutch handed to you. You can just walk two steps with it when you need it. There is no need to carry it, let alone use it as a ruler to measure whether you "have gotten better" every day - after all, what can pull you out of the mud is never the truth in the book, but the moment when you are willing to reach out.