self healing dead by daylight

You don't need to force yourself to "get better" immediately, nor do you need to find any universal healing formula. If you can hold on until the light of day shines through, you have already won.

The first time I really felt this "murderous intention" was in the third month of last year's continuous project rush. At three o'clock in the morning, I smashed the keyboard with the revision comments for the seventeenth version. I stood by the window of the rental house and was stunned for ten minutes. The voice in my head kept saying: I quit, I don't want anything, I love someone. It was completely dark at that time, and even the emergency lights on the opposite building were out. It really felt like I was stuck in a dead end by some invisible "butcher", and I couldn't even breathe.

When I was studying psychology, I was exposed to two completely opposite processing ideas. Teachers from the cognitive behavioral school will tell you that this is a typical "catastrophic thinking rumination". You must interrupt it immediately, touch something cold, count the colors around you, take three deep breaths, and use five sense anchors to pull yourself out of the emotion.； The existentialist teacher advises you not to stop it, just let the overwhelming emotion flow, stare at it and see what it can do to you. When the energy dissipates, you will naturally regain your strength.

I've tried both. The day I smashed the keyboard last time, I did it according to the CBT method. I turned around and touched the can of ice Coke in the refrigerator. The ice particles from the can were all over my hands. I shivered from the cold. Half of my desire to overthrow all my accumulation was instantly gone. After sitting with the Coke for half an hour, I got up and finished writing the revised manuscript. But when my partner ran away last month, I didn't stop him. I sat on the floor in the living room and cried for a full forty minutes until I became hoarse and speechless. After the tears dried up and I wiped my face, I felt that the stone that had been stuck in my heart for several days was gone. Even the things that I thought the sky was falling from before could be made up for.

I have a friend who has been a psychological counselor for six years. When she was suffering from job burnout, she never used any professional skills. She drove 20 kilometers to a garbage transfer station on the outskirts of the city and sat for half an hour, watching the sanitation workers unloading garbage one by one. She watched someone throw a broken sofa and an old TV into the station along with a whole bag of expired snacks. After sitting there for a long time, she drove back and everything went smoothly. She said that she had never recommended this method to any client. It was not useless, but everyone's "emotional garbage dump" was different. Someone else's antidote might be your poison.

Don’t believe the nonsense on the Internet about “three steps to get out of a low mood” and “seven days to cure internal friction”. I had nothing to do before and tried to follow the steps of a popular article. The second step, “Write down three things that make you feel a sense of accomplishment,” was not finished yet, and I became even more annoyed. It was just a bit emo at first, but now there is an added layer of frustration of “Why can’t I even heal well?”, which is just looking for trouble.

It's interesting to say that this state is exactly the same as the logic of the game called "Dead by Daylight": you are an escapee being chased by a butcher. There is no need to be tough, and there is no need to force yourself to repair five generators and open the door to escape in ten minutes. You squat in the grass to hide from the butcher for a while, get a medicine bag to restore some blood, and even if you are slashed and crawl away, as long as you are not dead, you still have a chance. I now have a special "Emergency Photo Album" on my phone. There are silly videos of my cat trampling on breasts, slow-motion shots of waves hitting the rocks when I went to the beach last year, and photos of the certificates for being a top student that I received in the third grade of elementary school. When I really can't stand it anymore, I pull it out and look at it. They're all gadgets that can't be put on the table, but they work for me.

Not all "murderous intentions" can be quickly solved with small tricks. My brother fell out of love last year. He tried everything. He went traveling with his friends, went to the gym, signed up for an oil painting class, and even found two fortune tellers. Still, he was so miserable every day that he couldn't even eat. We were all afraid that he would get sick from suppressing it, but one morning seven months later, he got up and took a sip of the soy milk made by my mother, and suddenly said, "Sister, I seem to have forgotten what she looks like." You see, sometimes the light of day is not pried open by you, but comes on slowly by itself. There is no point in being anxious.

Yesterday I encountered it again. I finished revising the last version of the plan at 3:30. I didn't smash the keyboard. I opened an orange candy stored in the drawer and ate it. It was so sweet that I lay down on the table and fell asleep for twenty minutes. When I woke up, it was just dawn. The cart selling soy milk had already come out of the stall downstairs. The sound of horns floated up, soft and soft. I knew that this wave had passed again.

It's really not a big deal. Those darkest moments that you think you can't get over are, to put it bluntly, just the short period of darkness before dawn. If you can't hold it any longer, just squat for a while. The sky will always light up, even if it lights up a little slower, it doesn't matter.