Self-healing copywriting

Self-healing is never an "emotional task" in which you brainwash yourself with chicken soup of the soul and force yourself to immediately return to a positive state. The essence is a process in which you actively let go of your harshness towards yourself and establish a stable connection with your inner self who is experiencing emotions at the moment - it has no standard operation and does not require you to achieve "perfect self-healing". Even if you just cry peacefully for ten minutes without calling yourself "pretentious", it will already be effective.

Two years ago, when I was doing psychological science popularization in the community, I met a post-95s girl who was an e-commerce operator. She had three photo albums of "healing quotes" saved in her mobile phone. Every time she was scolded by Party A and overwhelmed by big promotion data, she would flip through them. After flipping through them, she became even more anxious: "Others say, 'The boat has crossed the Ten Thousand Mountains', why am I still stuck halfway up the mountain, unable to move?" Am I too fragile? ”She looked through the photo album for me at that time, and saved almost 2,000 photos of things like "Everything is the best arrangement" and "You are already great". She said that the more she looked at it, the more she felt that she couldn't even regulate her emotions well and was a complete waste.

Regarding the path of self-healing, there is no unified standard answer from different psychological orientations. Psychoanalytic counselors suggest looking back to see that your current collapse for no reason is mostly hiding the emotional fragments that were not caught when you were a child: For example, if you work overtime until early in the morning and change your plan until you cry, it may not mean that you really can't survive the job. It may be that you squatted in front of the house and cried with the failed test paper when you were in elementary school. Your mother's first reaction was to scold "What's the use of crying? Do better next time." At this moment, you are actually crying out for the child who was not comforted back then.

There are also many practitioners of the cognitive behavioral school who do not agree with the statement that "it must be traced to the root cause". They think that self-healing does not need to be so complicated. You do not need to understand why you are in pain. You only need to pull yourself out of the emotional whirlpool first: go downstairs to buy a glass of iced Coke, pour water on the succulent on the windowsill, or even stand by the window for three minutes. As long as it is a small thing that can be completed immediately and requires no effort, it can bring you back to the present moment from the negative thoughts of "I am so useless."

The popular mindfulness approach in recent years is more "lazy": you don't even have to do small things, just feel your emotions quietly. If your chest is blocked, carefully feel the texture of the blockage - is it hard like a stone has been stuffed, or is it bloated like it has been filled with air? Do you feel a little dull and sore? There is no need to judge "Why am I stuck in the emotion again?" You just look at it like a bystander. Most of the time, the emotion will slowly dissipate on its own after only 20 minutes.

When Party A revised the plan for seven consecutive times last year, I tried these three methods one by one. The first two didn't work: I wanted to trace the source, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt wronged. I felt that I would be blamed for everything I did since I was a child. When I watered the flowers, I wanted to throw the flower pot downstairs. In the end, I just slumped on the sofa and stared at my emotions. I really counted the time. The panic stayed in my chest for 14 minutes, and then inexplicably relaxed half a minute. I didn't say a single positive word to myself that day, nor did I force myself to get up and revise version 8. I ate half a box of iced watermelon and went to sleep. When I woke up the next day, my ideas were running smoothly, and I finished revising it in half an hour.

Nowadays, many people on the Internet say that the ultimate goal of self-healing is to "reconcile with yourself." However, a senior I know who has been doing trauma intervention for 12 years always says this is ridiculous: "Some injuries are engraved there. You don't have to forgive the person who hurt you, and you don't have to force yourself to make peace with the painful past. How can healing be so high-level? Next time the pain pops up, don't kick yourself and say, 'Why are you so pretentious?' Just hand a cup of hot water to the painful self and say, 'It's here again, sit down for a while, I'm free to stay with you right now.' That's enough. ”

There really aren't that many standard templates. When someone steps on your foot on the subway after get off work, the person bites you back. You go home, take off your shoes, throw them on the sofa, and curse for ten minutes, "Everything bad can happen to you today." This is healing. ； After a breakup, I can’t help but scroll through my ex’s friend circle until I cry. I don’t have to slap myself in the face and call myself “worthless.” I hug my doll and cry until I’m tired and fall asleep. I wake up with some spicy crayfish and I’m sweating. It’s also healing. ； Even if you just don't want to go to work or socialize recently, you stay at home and watch TV shows for three days without going out, and you don't blame yourself for "wasting time", this is healing.

I have been working in this industry for almost 6 years, and I am most annoyed when I hear people talk about "self-healing" as if it is a high-end skill that requires an advanced certificate to be mastered. How can it be so complicated? You don't have to finish "The Interpretation of Dreams" or sign up for a healing workshop worth tens of thousands of dollars. You just need to always remember: every time you don't criticize yourself too harshly, every time you take the initiative to catch your emotions, and every time you say "I don't want to get better, I'll be okay for a while" are all applying medicine to your own wounds.

Really, try it next time you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to force yourself to feel better immediately.